Job update

thank god they've only contracted me for a month and a half. I'm one of the accountant's by the way.

i just didn't like it. i'm not sure what it is. i guess i don't really like the systems they have in place, and i dont like the software they use. And it's not very organized. And the people....hmmm i'm not gonna say anything yet

BUT at least its a paycheck!

thanks or wishing me good luck

NEW JOB

I start a new job tomorrow!! Wish me luck :)

CALL ME dammit

you know what the first thing that pops into my head when someone hasn't called you in a week...."What if something has happened to him? What if he is in the hospital? What if he died?" I ponder those thoughts for a good few minutes, then always seem to tear up (b/c i'm convinced that they must have died). My next move is to check the obituaries online. You might think i'm crazy for thinking about death first, but it has happened to me before, and to other people i know.......i was in a new relationship and all of a sudden they haven't called in a while, or haven't answered the phone when they usually would, and then you find out they've had an accident and are now dead. This other girl i know was in a relationship with a guy and then someone tells her that he died in a motorcycle crash a couple weeks before and she missed his funeral b/c she had no idea.

The last time i talked to this guy (L) was Wednesday afternoon of last week. He was dropping me off b/c we went on a little road trip together the night before. As you know Labor Day weekend was last weekend, and it was the 2 yr anniversary for the death of my best friends brother (he was also my brother's best friend, and i had dated him a little when we were very little..i spoke at his funeral). His name was Justin, and he and his wife and his wife's god parents, AND the wife of the guy that ran them over ALL died. They were in a boating accident at Lake Texoma during a Poker Run. Anyway, given that Labor Day happened AFTER i last saw L, and i haven't heard a word (no emails, no texts, no calls) from him since Wednesday, wouldn't it be natural to think that something bad might have happen to him?

AND THEN...once i've checked online and find out that they actually are still alive, my thoughts seem to go into overdrive and i CAN'T STAND THAT. i usually assume the worst (well obviously..after reading the first 2 paragraphs) and i HATE assuming. I honestly think it's one of my worst flaws. I'm not that bad, but i do tend to assume stuff when something is not right (in terms of relationships). So now i'm just wondering what happened. I've texted L a few times, and called him. He hasn't responded at all.

I worked with him at the begining of the year on a 3 month contract job. We hung out a few times then, but mainly had an email relationship for the past 6 months. We would go have a drink about once or twice a month. No big deal. Actually, i was talking to another guy named W last month. But i continued my talking with L. And then, for the last month things b/t L and I seemed different. We emailed a LOT more, and we'd see eachother a least once a week, and the conversations and feelings were deeper. It was kinda nice! I could sense something inside of me changing...i was thinking about him more, whereas before i just thought about him when i recieved an email. And i was missing him, and wishing i could see him more. We don't get to see eachother as much as we both would like b/c of some circumstances on both our sides.

BUT, i'm not going to stress about it, i was, but now that i got it all out, i won't think about it anymore...trust me, i have learned my lesson from past expierences...there is no point stressing, continue living your life.

If he calls, then GREAT (for all i know he could be just extremely busy at work). If he doesn't call, then of course i'll be sad, but i will move on, and hopefully we will keep in touch and be friends!


Alright, i gotta go to the DMV now to replace my license

I Lost My Driver's License

this afternoon i went into a store to return a phone. I was carrying the box with the phone inside, and i was carrying my driver's license. i didn't have a purse or wallet on me. I distinctly remember putting my DL up to my face while waiting at the counter (i guess it was something to do with my hands, i dont know!). That was the last i remember. i walked outside back to my car and drove home. Spent a good hour turning the inside of my car upside down trying to find the damn thing and no luck. what really sucks about this whole mess is i start my new job on Monday, and i'm pretty sure i'll need some form of ID. AND i had plans to meet a couple people i hadn't seen in a very long time for drinks tonight, but NOOOOO i couldn't go b/c i lost my fucking Driver's License!

"Lessons Learned"

It's been a little over two weeks since i posted last...been kinda busy lately. I'm going to leave yall with one of my favorite songs...usually when i'm down and need to get into a better mood, i'll blast this song and sing at the top of my lungs. then tears might start to come but sometimes just a big grin! anyway, there have been lots of ups and downs in the past few weeks, and i always end up going back to this song...hope you enjoy!




"Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

movies, movies, and more movies

in the past week i have rented a lot of movies:

Smart People
License To Wed
Penelope
Love and Other Disasters
Sleepwalking
Georgia's Rule


they were all good i guess but i think i'm going to buy Georgia's Rule..i thought that was great!

A LECTURE FOR ME . . .

I'm Paula and I usually hang out here. It's a bit wet there at the moment though (pissing it down with rain) so when Diana invited me to hang out here I decided to take her up on the invite. I'm hoping it's warmer around these parts.

I asked Diana if there was anything in particular she'd like me to blog about and she suggested that I blog about when I was 25 years old. Man, that opened a whole can of worms I hadn't anticipated, as I had forgotten that 25 was one of my least favourite ages. Twenty THREE, sure, I could blog half my life away on that. Twenty five, not so much. BUT 25 was probably the year I learned more about life than I ever had before so perhaps it's therapeutic for me to venture back there. Who knows. Anyway, I've seen other blogs when people blog to their future or past selves, so I decided to try and do this myself. I wish I could warn my past self about various things - unfortunately I can't, but I can PRETEND that I have that ability.

Gotta warn you though, it's gonna veer somewhere between depression.com and cheesefest.com. I apologise in advance for this . . .


4th October 2004 - the day you turned 25. Did you realise at that point that it would be one of the worst years of your life, yet the one where you apparently learned so much? The day itself started off okay - you had to work unfortunately, but they threw a party for you with cake and fizzy wine (although you're not sure who's pocket it came out of given how much of a con artist your boss at the time was) and later you went to the pub. When you headed home several drinks later, it was raining, but you ran into a crowd of drunken but cute students who had made off with a beer-sponsored parasol from an outside table in a bar who gave you shelter and some random chat under it and expressed both surprise at your age and disappointment that you weren't single, and escorted you directly to your door so you didn't get wet.

Later though, you ended up in tears after working up the nerve to question your boyfriend about his feelings. Since you were effectively on a break (something you know now isn't really possible - you're either together or you're not) the answer did not satisfy you. Knowing now that it ended for good two months later, should you have ended it yourself at that point, realising anyone who made you cry on your birthday was probably going to make you cry again? Probably. Whether you would have done it, with that hindsight, is another story.

Something you later learned as a result of this was how naive you were in the ways of the world. Case in point - ex sex. You actually thought it meant something to him, that you might end up back together because why would he sleep with you otherwise??? Man, you were dumb, weren't you? You can't even really hold that against him because how was he to know EXACTLY how inexperienced you were? You'd certainly read enough books which mentioned it!!! Remember how he told you he had no intention of getting back together with you . . . and yet you did it again, still innocently believing he didn't realise his own feelings yet and would come around. Yeah, that never happened. Hey, don't be too hard on yourself though. You thought your heart was breaking. You thought you were in love. Later you'd realise you don't know what that is. Don't worry, I'M still not sure what it is now.

But be proud of yourself that you did try your best to move on. And how about the way you managed to pick yourself up after your job with the con artist fell apart? She owed you tons of money and you didn't think you'd ever break even again. Remember that temp job you took as a desperate measure to afford to stay in your flatshare and how much you hated it? How the permanent staff were total cows to the temps and treated them like crap? Then you had the opportunity to go away on holiday and took the chance to quit and tell the agency just how horrible the people were to the temps, despite the fact you were now without a job and it was a risky move. Good for you. It worked out okay in the end, that agency actually offered you a job once you got back from Spain, but you'd already managed to secure yourself another through another agency. With all your job-hopping, you had actually managed to gain quite a lot of relevant, desirable experience so suddenly you were in demand! And while that job may have been fairly boring, at least you impressed them enough for them to keep you on as long as they could.

Remember that four weeks you were unemployed after that temp job in late summer? You would have enjoyed that so much better if you'd known there was a permanent job waiting at the end of it. Unfortunately it put you on regular speaking terms with your ex again and you stupidly misinterpreted his friendly comments as flirting. Or maybe it WAS flirting, it's just he perhaps didn't see the harm in it. However, it lead you to believe he might want you back. And the day you found out he had been seeing someone else for several months . . . do you remember the pain you felt? The way you had to run out of a work night out in floods of tears because you didn't want to make a bad impression when you'd been there barely a month at that point. It was like everything inside you had twisted up and you couldn't function properly. You cried for pretty much an entire weekend, until you had no tears left, then you just felt numb and alone. You didn't even want to have to face him again. But you did. You didn't think you would ever meet another guy again. But you did eventually. (A few, in fact! But that's a whole other story, or several . . .)

Remember the day you decided, in some sort of fit of rebellion, that you were going to do something wholly un-you and get your nose pierced? Thanks for going through with it. I know it hurt like hell, I was there after all, but I still love it even now. It reminds me that I'm not always as boring as I think, that sometimes I DO act on impulse.

You had a tough year between the ages of 25 and 26, even more tough than 28 has been so far. But you know what? Everything that happened to you back then, you got through it. You took the punches, you fell down and you picked yourself back up again. Back then, you may not have thought you were a survivor. But you proved you were.

Thanks!

P xxx

A good feeling..

if you read my blog, then you all know that i put on a shitload of weight starting in March of 2007. And you know that since April of 2008 i have been trying to get my body back.

well...i've noticed the scale ahs been saying that i've already lost 20+ pounds, and my friends are telling me that i've lost a ton of weight, and my brother is telling me that i have a waist again, and i've been able to fit into clothes i haven't been able to wear since jan. of 07....

so this morning i was in the shower, and i looked down and was stunned to see how skinny my legs are looking these days...my legs have always been my best feature (i think) b/c they are so long and i am so tall, and people have always said that i am "all legs".. and i guess you could say this is the first time i actually 'saw' proof of my weight loss.

granted, i am not done yet, i still have a lot more pounds to shed, but i've finally started feeling skinny again (well not skinny skinny, but decent)..

so YAY! go me!!

21 and The Great Debaters

i rented 21 and The Great Debaters this morning. i watched 21 and thought it was a good movie. i'm about to watch The Great Debaters now. i heard it was an outstanding movie..i'll let you know

emotions

i am a lot of things at this very moment:

happy- b/c i just bought 6 new hardbacks

sad- not gonna go into it right now

tired- i've had close to 7 hours of sleep since Monday

excited- i can't wait to dig into the first book

anxious- i hate not knowing

worried- i'm not sure what was wrong with me (or if anything was wrong with me)..i'm confused by the recent turn of events

confused- see worried above

lonely- see worried above

I JUST SAVED SOMEONES LIFE

Details to come in about an hour and a half...still in the middle of all the mess

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UPDATE:

this morning i had another dentist app. when i parked my car in front of the building (the doc office is in a shopping center) i parked next to an SUV just like mine...so i looked inside. Int the backseat i found a baby sitting in it's car chair. All the windows were rolled up and the car was off. Yesterday the temp got to 107 degrees. Today is supossed to be 106. Anybody can overheat in a car without any air..so i looked around, then called 911. I told the lady on the phone that i am looking at a baby in the car next to mine, and nobody has come to the car in the past 6 minutes. The police came and they had to break in the vehicle to get the baby out. Turns out they had to resesitate the baby. They went off to the hospital while a few cops and i stayed around and waited to see if the mother or father of the baby would return to the car. i waited with them for over an hour and NO ONE came back to the car. isn't that fucked up? i hope the baby is alright.

Dvd question??

If u have several boxes of dvds is storage that's shaded for about 3 months...is that bad? Are they gonna be ruined? I'm at my storage place now getting some of my shit cuz I'm moving and I just now thought about the dvds....man o man pls say they are not ruined...I have over 300...this could be bad..very bad
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Yuck

Right now I'm laying in the dentist chair getting my teeth cleaned...I just got a 15 min lecture saying I need to floss more and that my gums are sensitive AND I need to start coming in 3 times a month instead of once every 3 yrs.. Damn

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Just a few things you might not know...

1. i love walking around barefoot

2. i think birthday's are the most important day (and i'm not just saying this b/c mine is in 5 DAYS!!!!!!!)

3. I am terrified of the dark. I still leap from my light switch onto my bed when i turn the lights out. And i can't have any part of my body showing. is that a little strange at my age?

4. i can't stand hangers. They are pieces of shit. they are always getting caught on one another..grrr

5. when i am on water, or looking at water, or listening to water, or in the water, i am the most happy. i experience a type of joy inside that i can't explain. Maybe i'm actually a mermaid like in the movie Splash or The Thirteenth Year..hmmm

6. I've never had sushi. i can't stand seafood (ok maybe i'm not a fish then!), and i don't like Chinese..excpet for the rice and soy sauce. oh and the Mongolian beef

7. I am addicted to reading. When i was in my teens living at home, and i would get in trouble, my parents would take my book away that i was reading at the time, and prevent me from opening up a book for a few days...they never took away the TV or anything like that..they just took away what made me happy!

8. i love taking IQ tests and doing thinking puzzles

9. it really frusterates me when someone doesn't use their blinker...i mean do they think they are better than me..or above the law???

10. i am extremely shy..hey that could be a reason why i read so much..hmm

11. i hate plucking my eyebrows

12. sometimes i wish a i was little more 'girly'..as in remember to put jewlery on, going to get my toes done..you know, those types of things. i always forget about those things b/c i never think about it

13........i can't think of anything else right now



***

i rented Griffin and Phoenix tonight and just finished watching it. I believe tears were rolling down my face 50% of the movie. It was good.

alrighty, off to bed...i have the dentist early in the morning...boo

Where Did All The Movies Go?

When i was a little girl, i used to watch movies all the time. This was before i went to Pre-School, so i remember watching all the movies in the house daily!

I'm going to list the movies i watched growing up. Even though i was born in 83..the movies start much earlier. I'm wondering why all the good movies came out in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and early 90s? i'm going to stop at 1995.

I watched all the Shirley Temple movies...daily it seemed like

Because i watched these movies as a young girl, i have now associated them to happy memories..so they are all my favorites:

Pollyanna- 1960
Babes in Toyland- 1961
Mary Poppins- 1964
The Sound of Music- 1965
The Exorcist- 1973
Jaws- 1975
Grease- 1978

1980
Superman
Popeye
The Fox and the Hound

1982
E.T.
Bambi

1983
A Christmas Story
Eddie and the Cruisers
Risky Business

1984
Ghostbusters
The Karate Kid 1 & 2
Sixteen Candles
Splash
Revenge of the Nerds (all of them)
Police Academy (all)

1985
Back to the Future
The breakfast Club
Goonies
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (all)
Teen Wolf 1 & 2
Vision Quest

1986
Back to School
Ferris Buellars Day Off
Pretty in Pink
Rad (my top 3 favorite of all time)
Top Gun
Crocodile Dundee
An American Tail
Lady and the Tramp

1987
3 Men and a Baby
Beverly Hills Cop (all)
Lethal Weapon (all)
Dirty Dancing
Snow White
Space Balls
Cinderella
Overboard
Baby Boom
Ernest Goes to Camp (all)
Hot Shot (another all-time favorite..don't get this movie confused with Hot Shots..2 different movies)

1988
Coming to America
Big
Working Girl
Beaches
Land Before Time
The Great Outdoors

1989
Look Who's Talking (all)
Honey I Shrunk the Kids
Parenthood
When Harry Met Sally
Little Mermaid
Christmas Vacation
Field of Dreams
Major League (all)
K-9
Peter Pan

1990
Home Alone
Dances With Wolves
Pretty Woman
TMNT
Hunt for Red October
Dick Tracy
Kindergarten Cop
Taking Care Of Business

1991
Beauty and the Beast
Silence of the Lambs
City Slickers
Hook
Addams Family
Father of the Bride 1 & 2
Hot Shots
What About Bob
My Girl 1 & 2
Thelma and Louise
Problem Child

1992
Aladdin
A Few Good Men
Sister Act 1 & 2
The Bodyguard
Waynes World 1 & 2
A League of their Own
My Cousin Vinny
Mighty Ducks (all)

1993
Jurassic Park
Mrs. Doubtfire
Sleepless in Seattle
Schindlers List
Cliffhanger
Free Willy
Groundhog Day
Grumpy Old Men
Cool Runnings (another fav)
3 Musketeers
Rookie of the Year
Dennis the Menace

1994
Forrest Gump
Lion King
True Lies
The Santa Claus
Flintstones
Speed
Pulp Fiction
Ace Ventura
Little Rascals
Angels in the Outfield
4 Weddings and a Funeral

1995
Apollo 13
Pocahontas
Casper
Waterworld
Dangerous Minds
While you were Sleeping
Get Shorty
9 Months
Outbreak
Babe
The American President

i know there were more that i watched growing up..like all the National Lampoons..but i just can't think of them all right now!

***
I rented the movie No Reservations tonight and just finished it. It was good

Crash 1996

remember the other day i said i watched the movie Crash in this post?? well i made a mistake. it was the movie Crash..but it was the one that came out in 1996 that was directed by David Cronenberg....i was so confused b/c yall were commenting on Sandra Bullock, and i couldn't remember seeing her in the movie!!

Question # 1

Lately i've had a ton of domestic questions. Maybe it's because i bought my own place and will be moving any week now. Or maybe, i've realized how far behind i am when it comes to being domestic. I know i didn't help growing up with a live-in (although she did teach me Spanish), and it doesn't help now to have a maid that cleans my sheets, cleans the toilet..etc. If you remember this post and this post a while ago when i was living on my own, you got to see how bad i struggled.

I will not allow that to happen again. So i've been wondering what kind of tricks other people use as far as laundry, cleaning, clothes, car..etc.

Most of these questions are common sense, and i'm sure i'd be able to figure out an easy way myself, but if you can't ask simple questions then...(i can't remember the rest of the quote)

#1. When doing laundry, do you take out the lint from the dryer afterwards, or do you wait and take it out before your next dryer load? Oh and another laundry question real quick..do you pour the laudry detergent in before you add your clothes, or do you put your clothes in first, then pour the detergent in?

Facebook

Well i finally joined the world of Facebook yesterday, and i am extremely overwhelmed. I've had Myspace for about 3 years and i thought i was enjoying myself...but as i'm getting more comfortable with Facebook, i know realize what all the commotion was about.

i am now friends with people i went to elementary school with...people that i have wondered about for the last 12 years! I'm also now friends with girls that our friendship died. i'm now seeing how many of my friends that i haven't seen or talked to in years are married (which by the way, i can't believe how many there are). I haven't yet responded to any of the "WOW Diana, it's been forever..how have you been?" i think i will today. Yesterday was just a little bit overwhelming!

i haven't even had the chance to fill out my profile page and add organizations i'm involved in!

UPDATE: 2 posts ago i said i needed some advice...well i still do, but i'm not going to write about it anymore. I thought about it, and he might actually read this blog...so..i think i'll wait!

Do yall have facebook?

Mr. And Mrs. Smith

Watching this movie right now...forgot how much I enjoyed it!
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What A Weekend...

It started off on Thursday night...i'm not going to go into details, but i did not come home. Friday evening around 9 ish, W, this guy i'm kinda seeing (we haven't really talked about it) came to pick me up. We went back to his house, and he had some friends over. We were drinking and doing hooka around the pool. at one point we all went skinny dipping in the pool (i found that is a tradtion at his house) a couple of his friends are nudests so i guess it was bound to happen. Later on that evening we left and went over to one of his friends places and stayed there for a bit and listened to music and drank some more.

Then, we went back to his house and his older brother and fiance had just showed up from out of town, so we drank some more bythe pool. i'm thinking it was around 4 ish when we finally did go to bed.

Next morning rolls around and W wakes me up saying his brother wants to have lunch at MiCocina (my favorite resturaunt of all time!!!). So i get out of bed and quickly realize i am more drunk then i ever was the night before..i can't really remember much of Sat morning! But the four of us head out to lunch..i think it's around 2 pm when we get there. I have a couple margaritas at lunch and we all have a brillant idea!! LOL....now before i go any further, W's brother is 31 or 32 maybe and so is his fiance. they are both lawyers (well i know she is) and they are professional/responsible people!! The brother has the idea to get a keg and have a pool party all day and night...lol!! it has been since 2003 since i have gotten a keg.

so we all drive to the store after lunch and get vodka, 2 bottles of champange (the $50 kind, not the $5 kind!) and a keg of Blue Moon!! we go back to the house and set it all up and get in the pool and drink some more. I end up having one of my g/f over. the brother has one of his friends over. and W has a few of his friends.

I don't know what time i go to bed Sat. night, but im sure it was late. W took me home around 3pm Sunday. i hadn't been home since 9ish Friday night. So it felt good to get out of the same clothes and get some rest....

i gotta go real quick. but i have to ask yall a question about this weekend. i need some advice. when i come back, i'll blog about it and hopefully get some advice...i would just type about it right now, but it would take to long, and gotta go now